GM. This is the Milk Road, the newsletter that takes all the best crypto ingredients and blends them into a delicious, refreshing smoothie for you.

It's Friday, let's get after it:

• The Milk Road Poll results

• Vitalik & the future of Ethereum

• Ex-Coinbase employee arrested for insider trading

• Funding Friday

• Meme of the day

THE MILK ROAD POLL RESULTS

Earlier this week we asked you a question: Do you think crypto prices are really bouncing back?

Well, the results are in….

• 44.8% of you have No Effin Clue

• 38.5% of you think prices are Going Down, down, down, down, down. (*cue Jay Sean & Lil Wayne*)

• 16.7% think prices will continue Going Up

We asked some of you why you thought that. Here are some of the top responses:

Arthur M - "It feels too soon for things to bounce back completely. It will happen no doubt, but in my opinion, it will take way longer.

It’s like waking up with a heavy hangover and sinking in a coquetel of coffees, watermelon juice, and all sorts of carbs and sugars. You think you are good to go again, but later in the day a low will come and you’ll need another night of sleep to really bounce back. ;)"

Wow. Arthur, you spelled cocktails in the most exotic way I've ever seen it.

Amanda P - “No Effin Clue! Who the hell knows where the price even comes from, we're all just along for the ride.”

Matt M - “I've been in crypto since 2013 -- been through these cycles a few times. Also have no effing clue but I'd probably wager a bet it heads back down to test lows -- there haven't been many cases where it spikes low and backs up without at least retesting it. “

Rick L - “Bear market rallies are brutal, psyopsing many into thinking bear is over. To people that have been in traditional markets for a while, they are just another indicator that it's not over. A sustained, slow, healthy uptrend after complete obliteration of sentiment is usually a sign of a bull starting again.”

Now, we wait to see what the market does!

VITALIK TALKS ABOUT THE FUTURE OF ETHEREUM

Yesterday was the final day of the ETHCC conference.

ETHCC is like the Super Bowl for Ethereum nerds. And everyone was waiting for one man…

Vitalik Buterin. Father of Ethereum. Emperor of Uniqlo. Slayer of Bitcoin Maxis. Orderer of Hot Water. El Capitan. And the only person that gets featured at the bottom of every single email.

And he did not disappoint. Here are the top highlights:

The Merge is just the first major upgrade. Ethereum will move from proof-of-work → proof-of-stake during this phase.

But Vitalik says the roadmap is only 55% done after the Merge. There are 4 more stages..

The surge, the verge, the purge, and the splurge are next. Drake's ghostwriter is that you??

Once those are done - Ethereum will be 100% complete with the roadmap. Making it faster, cheaper, more secure, and more scalable.

Let's break down each stage:

• The Surge - increasing scalability through "sharding" - where the network gets split into pieces called shards to create smaller, faster, more manageable parts.

• The Verge - optimize storage through Verkle Trees. This will reduce node sizes and help Ethereum become more scalable.

• The Purge - reducing excess historical data. The goal is to decrease the hard drive space needed for validators and reduce network congestion.

• The Splurge - making smaller updates to ensure everything runs smoothly from previous updates. Vitalik calls this "the fun stuff" since all the hard work is done by this stage.

“By the end of its roadmap, Ethereum will be able to process 100,000 transactions per second”.

To end it off, there were free Vitalik Cocktails going around. In case you don’t know it’s…

• 85% Green Tea

• 15% Red Wine

Rumor has it that if you chug it, you also unlock 20% Concentrated Power Of Will™️.

TODAY'S EDITION IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY PATRICK ADAIR DESIGNS

Most jewelry has looked the same for hundreds of years.

I mean, why should your ring look the same as your grandparents' during the 60s?

Don’t worry, that’s where Patrick Adair Designs come in. They make rings as unique as you are.

Whether it's hand-forged Damascus steel from Nevada, aluminum cut out of a Bugatti, or meteorite pulled from the Arctic Circle you’ll find a story in every ring.

Every ring is fully customizable and handcrafted just for you.

The only ring as rare as you. Discover yours here.

EX-COINBASE EMPLOYEE ARRESTED FOR INSIDER TRADING

A former Coinbase Product Manager has been arrested for insider trading. It’s the first-ever insider trading case related to cryptocurrencies.

The crime: Ishan Wahi (Coinbase manager) knew which tokens would be listed on the exchange before it happened.

He gave his brother and friend the inside scoop on what they were, and they'd front-run buying them before they got listed on Coinbase.

It lasted about a year, and they netted ~$1.1m in profits.

Crazy, right? But the story gets even wilder...

The arrest: Coinbase emailed Ishan to come in for a meeting. He agreed, but immediately booked a one-way flight to India because he suspected they were onto him.

Before he makes his great escape to India, he got stopped by police and arrested. Busted.

Ishan's brother also got arrested, but their friend is still on the loose!

Sounds we like might just another Netflix doc in the making

FUNDING FRIDAY

Each Friday, we give you a rundown of Web3 companies that got funded.

This week we saw ~$350M get invested into crypto companies. Here’s who got the money:

Zebedee got $35m to build a Bitcoin gaming ecosystem. Play games, earn bitcoin.

Halborn got $90m for blockchain security audits.

Sunscreen got $4.7m to build the privacy engine of Web3.

Meow got $22m to develop a lending protocol for corporate treasuries.

If you wanna check out the full database of companies that have raised money in 2022, we got 'em for you right here.

MEME OF THE DAY

Trust us it's worth the 9-second watch 😂😂

That's a wrap for today, ladies & gents. See ya next week!

Ben "2% Milk" Levy & Diego "El Lechero" Salinas

A ROADERS REVIEW

VITALIK PIC OF THE DAY

The fit is immaculate.

What'd you think of today's email?

• 🥛🥛🥛🥛🥛 F**king great

• 🥛🥛🥛 Meh, do better

• 🥛 You didn't bring the heat

DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.