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GM. This is Milk Road – the second annual Milk Road Awards are about to begin… 

(Please, no flash photography – and keep your acceptance speeches under a minute).

Here’s what we got for you today:

• ✍️ The Milk Road Awards

• 🎙️ The Milk Road Show: Critical Macro Update: Fed Cuts, Market Crash & 2025 Alpha w/ Capital Flows 

• 🍪 Both Bitcoin and Ethereum ETFs see outflows

THE SECOND ANNUAL MILK ROAD AWARDS 🏆

Ladies. Gentlemen. Associates of the Hollywood Foreign Press…

We welcome you to the second annual Milk Road Awards – as voted for by you, our esteemed Milk Road readers!

I am your host, The Milk Man.

A few housekeeping announcements before we continue: refreshments will be available via table service, or at the bar during intermission. 

Alright, let’s get into it!

Tonight’s categories are as follows:

1. Memecoin of the Year

2. Crypto Advocate of the Year

3. Biggest Fumble of the Year

4. Blockchain of the Year

5. Twitter Personality of the Year

6. Villain of the Year

7. Comeback of the Year

8. Breakout Product of the Year

9. Wallet of the Year

Starting with…

1/ Memecoin of the Year

The nominees are: $CHILLGUY, $DOGE, $WIF, $PEPE, $PNUT, and $GOAT.

Tonight's winner of “Memecoin Of The Year” needs no introduction…

He was born on MS Paint in 2005, and began his internet tenure featuring in a series of comedic MySpace blogposts…

Today, he firmly holds his status of “token-backed meme royalty” – please give a big round of applause for… 

Pepeeeee (grabbing a narrow victory over $WIF), with 24.4% of the vote!

2/ Crypto Advocate of the Year

The nominees are: Michael Saylor, Brian Armstrong, Donald Trump, Ryan Selkis, and Larry Fink.

They say baldness leads to greatness in crypto…

Brian Armstrong, Ryan Selkis, Larry Fink, Joe Lubin, Mike Novogratz, Mert Mumtaz…

Bald, bald, bald, bald, bald, bald.

But tonight’s BOTL’s (Baldies On The Lineup) have all been beaten by the man that was ‘doing orange’ loooong before Bitcoin even existed: 

It’s Donald John Trump, with 44% of the vote!

3/ Biggest Fumble of the Year

The nominees are: Germany Selling their BTC, Kamala not speaking at BTC Nashville, The Anti-Crypto Army, The ETH ETF Launch, and Vanguard not allowing BTC ETFs.

Sure, you might have written Bitcoin off as ‘an internet fad’ back in 2014…

But have you ever acquired 50,000 Bitcoin at a $0 cost basis, then sold it all right before its price skyrocketed??

No? Well, tonight’s winner of ‘Biggest Fumble of the Year’ has! 

Please give a big round of applause/condolences to:

The nation of Germany, with 46.8% of the vote!

4/ Blockchain of the Year

The nominees are: Bitcoin, Ethereum, Solana, TON, Sui, and Base.

When we pitched this one, we should have prefaced it with:

“Alright, we've been over the rules. Protect yourself at all times, follow the referee's instructions, touch gloves if you want to.”

‘Cause god knows we all love to fight for our bags!

The blockchain getting their hand raised tonight? The network with the fastest hands in the west!

It’s Solana, with 43.7% of the vote!

5/ Twitter Personality of the Year

The nominees are: Justin Drake, Mert, Kyle Samani, Michael Saylor, Ansem, and Murad.

In this category you were posed a simple question…

Who has the deepest insights? The juiciest takes? 

…the Twitter personality whose push notifications get you clicking faster than Tyler (our GM) when he sees a Black Friday offer for a limited edition Stanley sippy cup?

This one wasn’t even close! Winning with 60% of the vote, it’s…

Michael “Bitcoin is a swarm of cyber hornets serving the goddess of wisdom” Saylor!

House lights flash

“Venerated guests, time for a quick intermission. Please use this time to stretch your legs, grab a drink at the bar, and use the restrooms.”

THE SECOND ANNUAL MILK ROAD AWARDS (POST-INTERMISSION) 🏆

Please find your seats, and welcome back to the stage, your host, The Milk Man!

“Next up, we have the category of…”

6/ Villain of the Year

The nominees are: Gary Gensler, Joe Biden, The 11 y/o rugger, Elizabeth Warren, and the FTX Lawyers.

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s cut right to the chase – the winner of “Villain Of The Year”... 

The man who kept his IQ at room temperature for the past three and half years – it’s Gary Scott Gensler, with a whopping 61% of the vote!

Like Anakin before he became Darth Vader, Gary was first seen as ‘the chosen one’ – an SEC Chair with a passion for blockchain technology! 

But then (seemingly out of nowhere) he began to approach the sector with fear – and as a wise old sage, living in the swamps of Dagobah once said:

“Fear leads to anger…anger leads to hate…hate leads to the dark side.”

Darth Gensler, you got a record breaking 61% of the vote – no one is more deserving of this award – get on up here!

7/ Comeback of the Year

The nominees are: Donald Trump, $XRP, CZ, and LimeWire…

“I know you are, but what am I?”

“Loser says what?”

“Deez feelings? More like deez nuts! No wait – don’t write that down! What’re you doing? I thought this was therapy, not a court hearing! Seriously. Stop writing!”

All classic comebacks…but none as impressive as tonight’s winner.

Ladies and gentlemen – the Comeback of the Year award goes to…

Donald John Trump, with 45.3% of the vote!

8/ Breakout Product of the Year

The nominees are: Pump.Fun, Polymarket, Ethena, Hyperliquid, and EigenLayer.

Just like your Aunt Marge’s opinions on table etiquette – this one may not be the most highly valued, but it's the one everybody has heard about!

The Breakout Product of the Year award goes to:

Pump.Fun! Closely beating out Polymarket, with 37% of the vote! 

9/ Wallet of the Year

The nominees are: Ledger, Phantom, Coinbase Wallet, Rabby, Backpack, and Fuse.

Q: What houses that which is most dear to you?

Huh….a lot of you answered: “My home, which houses my family.”

Honestly, we didn’t see that coming.

The ‘correct’ answer, written by our intern Raul, reads: 

“My wallet, which houses my crypto,” with an annotation reading “find a way to segue this into the award announcement somehow, I can’t be bothered right now”.

Ummm…ok then – the winner of the ‘Wallet of the Year’ is:

Ledger! With 40.9% of the vote!

That brings us to the end of tonight's ceremony, congratulations to our winners – and a big thank you to you (our readers) for voting and making this whole thing possible!

I’ve been your host, The Milk Man.

Love to the family!

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DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.